Sometimes, It’s Simply About Caring

A few weeks ago, I took my dad to an appointment at the Elderly Medicine Clinic at Northampton General Hospital.

Dad is 86. He has dementia and is increasingly unsteady on his feet. Like many families caring for an elderly parent, we have spent a considerable amount of time over the last couple of years attending appointments, asking questions, trying to understand what support is available and, at times, simply trying to work out what we need to do next.

At this particular appointment, we met Dr N Khan, a consultant in elderly medicine.

Before we had even entered the consultation room, something struck me about him.

When it was Dad’s turn, Dr N Khan came over personally and introduced himself. He was accompanied by a younger colleague whom he was teaching, and he introduced him too.

He then helped Dad out of his chair.

As Dad walked towards the consultation room, Dr N Khan quietly observed how he stood, how he walked and how steady he was on his feet. It was done respectfully and naturally, without ever making Dad feel as though he was simply being examined.

Once we were in the room, he spoke to Dad, he spoke to me and, most importantly, he listened.

He wanted to understand what had been happening.

He listened to the difficulties we had experienced, the changes we had noticed and the things we were worried about.

There was something about the way he communicated that was difficult to put into words.

He cared.

He genuinely cared.

He was kind, sincere, sympathetic and empathetic. At no point did we feel rushed or feel that we were simply another appointment in a busy clinic.

By the end of that one consultation, Dr N Khan had brought together many of the things we had been trying to navigate for around 18 months.

He outlined the next steps towards confirming Dad’s dementia diagnosis through the appropriate specialist team. He discussed contacting Adult Social Services so that we could understand what additional support might be available. He also considered Dad’s risk of falling and the appropriate falls services that could help.

In approximately 30 minutes, there was suddenly a plan.

And when we left the room, I found myself quite emotional.

I had a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

Looking after an elderly parent isn’t always easy. There are moments when you question whether you are doing the right thing. There are appointments, telephone calls, referrals, forms and decisions - all alongside simply wanting to remain a son or daughter rather than constantly feeling like a carer or advocate.

For the first time in a long time, I felt that somebody really understood that.

But I also left the appointment feeling something else.

Inspired.

Dr N Khan reminded me that every one of us has the ability to make a difference to somebody’s day - and sometimes that difference doesn’t require anything extraordinary.

Sometimes it is simply about listening.

Sometimes it is about slowing down for a moment.

Sometimes it is about noticing the person sitting in front of you, rather than simply the condition you are treating.

And sometimes it is simply about being kind.

As a dentist and practice owner, the experience made me reflect on the care we provide to our own patients at AK Dental Care.

People rarely come through our doors simply carrying a dental problem.

They may be frightened. They may have been in pain for months. They may have had previous experiences that have affected their confidence. They may have pressures and difficulties in their lives that we know absolutely nothing about.

Clinical excellence matters enormously to us.

But so does how somebody feels when they are sitting in our chair.

Do they feel listened to?

Do they feel respected?

Do they feel that we are being honest with them?

And do they feel that we genuinely care about what happens next?

Those things matter.

Occasionally, you meet somebody who reminds you of the healthcare professional - and the person - you want to be.

Dr N Khan did that for me.

So, Dr N Khan, thank you.

Thank you for your kindness towards my dad.

Thank you for listening to us.

Thank you for giving us direction when we desperately needed it.

And thank you for reminding me that, however busy life becomes, we should never underestimate the difference we can make simply by giving another person our time, our attention and our kindness.

You were an inspiration.

And you inspired me to try to be better too.

Dr Anish Khatri

AK Dental Care

Passionate about saving teeth - and the people we connect with.